They always hurt. At least a little.
The question is whether the ‘change’ itself hurts, or whether the pain actually makes you change. An interesting question that can be answered in several ways.
How do you deal with it?
Isn’t it so that we always try to avoid pain? As well as the change that is connected to it as a consequence? But if you decide to, bravely, go through it, what would be the best way to do ?
By coincidence I came across a short film which touched upon this question. In the short film, Rabbijn Twerski mentions that he had read an article about how lobsters grow. He did not find the topic itself to be very interesting but there was something about the story which caught his attention. And mine too.
I will tell you what it was:
He read that lobsters are very soft animals. They live in a hard shell which is so hard that it cannot expand. But also lobsters grow. You might think that this would be impossible because of the hard shell but the lobster found a solution to this:
When a lobster grows, its shell becomes very tight. The pressure increases and this very soft animal is starting to feel uncomfortable. He searches for shelter under a rock so that it cannot be attacked. Then it lets go of its old shell and produces a new one.
The lobster continues to grow and eventually this shell will become too tight as well. He returns to the rock, releases the shell, and rebuilds the next one. And so the process goes on.
The objective of the story is:
The lobster is motivated to grow because it does not feel at ease anymore. The discomfort it experiences, makes it take the steps necessary for growth and change.
If lobsters would have doctors
A smile appeared on my face when the Rabbi expressed his idea that if lobsters would have doctors, they would never grow. He thinks that the doctor would give the lobster medication so that it would feel fine again and would not feel the need to let go of its shell. It would remain the same way forever.
I had not seen it that way before but I think that the Rabbi is right. Isn’t it exactly the same with us humans? If you do not feel the discomfort (anymore), the urge to change disappears.
What you can take from this:
Times of setbacks are times of growth. Pain or other feeling of unease make you take the steps that are needed to feel good again. In the meanwhile, it is fine to look for protection and help. It is even recommended to do so. A safe environment gives you the opportunity to let go of the ‘old’, and to make place for the ‘new’.
Enabling you to go on afterwards.
– Karen van Hout